I valued attraction from girls very highly all my life, and I think most young men feel this way. It almost feels like everything we do is influenced by the desire of wanting girls to like us. Obviously, there’s the biological, evolutionary motivation to attract a mate and to have children, but I wonder if the generations before us had such a huge aspect of their lives overthinking about this, or it’s just that sex sells in our modern society and everywhere you look there’s attractive people you wish you were with.
Personal Reflections on Self-Improvement
I think, like a lot of young guys I knew, I wasn’t exactly a catch. I wasn’t confident, I wasn’t tall. For most of my life, I thought I was kind of ugly. I definitely had an unattractive, hostile personality. And it hit me when I was about 17 that I didn’t have to stay this way. This was before I ever heard about self-improvement, but I was focused on making progress in real life.
Real-Life Skills and Personal Development
I remember I was addicted to this game called RuneScape for most of my life, and in this game, you pretty much spent all your time leveling up your character’s skills by gaining experience XP. So, you would get strength XP by killing things, or magic XP by doing spells, or cooking XP by cooking. It really took me a while to realize that RPGs (role-playing games) actually reflect how real life works.
The Journey of Self-Improvement for Attraction
We have so many skills we can level up in real life by getting experience. It feels like a bit of a grind until you reach a certain level, and then you start to enjoy it more and more. You start to see the rewards of it, and when you get consistent in training a skill, it starts giving you some kind of intrinsic pleasure. Like, you feel proud of yourself and the efforts you’ve put in. It makes you feel good when you level up in real life. So, I started leveling up in real life with the main, or sole, purpose to get girls to like me. I only tried to level up the areas of life that I knew would attract girls. So I started lifting weights to build muscle. I researched and tried things that would improve my confidence and social skills. I learned some things about game, pickup artistry, how to escalate, how to text.
Realizing the Irony in Attraction
Now that I’m a little older, I realized that the huge focus on wanting to get girls to like me was detrimental. After a few years of this being one of my main focuses in life, I can give you the conclusion, one piece of advice: The less you want girls to like you, the more they will like you. It’s kind of ironic, it’s kind of backwards, but it makes sense. Women are not attracted to nerds who put in tons of effort to try and impress them. They’re attracted to the men who just get it, the guys who are just enjoying their lives, focusing on their own goals and hobbies.
The Downside of Seeking Validation
When you want girls to like you, you are in a scarcity mentality. You’re not acting out of abundance. So that means you come across as needy. Because if you want someone to like you, that shows that you aren’t 100% happy with your life right now, which is kind of obvious. We’re not going to be hard on ourselves; most people are not 100% content with their lives. So we know that having a nice partner would make us happier. But when we place too much value on someone else, and we feel like we are incomplete without other people, your neediness undeniably shows.
Building an Attractive Life by Focusing on Self
It’s kind of hard to wrap your head around it. To be better with girls, you have to stop thinking about becoming better with girls, and instead focus on building an awesome life with skills that you’ve leveled up because that is what makes someone attractive. Accomplishments, hobbies that you’re passionate about for the sake of the hobby, not for the sake of impressing someone.
Finding Joy in Personal Activities
I started weightlifting to build muscle to get girls to like me, but now I lift weights because it makes me feel like a champion. I feel amazing during and after each one of my workouts, especially the ones where I challenge myself and I push myself past what I originally thought was my limit. Does this make girls like me more? Yes, 100% it does. But should it be my main focus to get girls to like me when I go to the gym? No. Your focus should be on doing the activity for the activity itself. Go to the gym because you enjoy it, because you love seeing your strength go up, and that feeling of accomplishment after a good workout. The muscle, the increased physical attractiveness, and therefore the girls you attract are all an extra treat, like a supplement to an already good life.
The Paradox of Attraction and Self-Love
Do things for yourself, and you’ll see that you attract so many more women because that is what’s attractive. The less you want girls to like you, and the more you want to like yourself, the more girls will like you.
The Importance of Self-Contentment in Attraction
Start by delaying gratification and leveling up your skills so you actually start to enjoy real life. Being happy and content with yourself is the major component in confidence, and we all know how important confidence is in getting girls to like you.
Celebrating Personal Coaching Successes
So far, this coaching seems pretty helpful to the guys who have signed up. We’re seeing them exercise three times a week, significantly reducing the distractions from the internet addictions that we’ve all got. We’re seeing depression and anxiety symptoms get lowered. I’m really proud of the guys that I’ve coached so far, and I would like to get even more clients because coaching people and trying to influence a positive behavior change in someone is one of my real-life skills that gives me intrinsic pleasure. It’s a skill that I’m leveling up, and it makes me proud of myself.
Inspiration and Acknowledgement
This article was inspired by the YouTuber Ice One Cube, who made an extremely relatable video that I think you should go and watch. If you lift weights, chances are you’re going to find this video very entertaining and eye-opening.
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